the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
