Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Buhtt sex?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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