grandma shit on top of the toilet
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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