Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Randomize
