The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
