My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So many bounce houses so little time
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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