I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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