I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
