you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
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Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
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The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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