I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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