We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
