Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
