No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom