She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Send help, water and tortillas.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.