He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
