This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
