Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
