I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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