Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
