I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.