At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?