i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?