Taylor Swift is so right about you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.