you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?