I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek