Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
