I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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