You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
