ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
