True but thats because hes a fetus.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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