I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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