some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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