My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
