No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
