You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
