I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
