Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
