The brown eye won't let me do that either.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
