How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
