I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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