ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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