but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
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you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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