The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
