Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
