I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
