Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
