I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
