Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
