a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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