The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
