I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
