he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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