I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
