new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
