SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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