If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
