i just had sex bonerless
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
