We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
