i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What drink are we having for lunch?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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