He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
