you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
