oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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