if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
