Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
