Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
