lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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