he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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