Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
