Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
