so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i out mim tonsoeep
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
