***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
