hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
