can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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