You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
