Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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