the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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