No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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