the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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