I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
