Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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