I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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