I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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