Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
