Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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