New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's on the porch naked. Help.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
