i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
