so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
