Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
