Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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