We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
