just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
