did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
