True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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