At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
